In a bizarre twist it appears that the mastermind behind the latest attempt to wrench power away from President Tayyıp Erdoğan and the AK party he leads was a long haired white Turkish Angora cat with sinister eyes.
Prime Minister of Turkey Binalley Yieldorun, in a statement made outside the Turkish Parliament, a historic building that used to be the seat of the Turkish government in the republican era, claimed that, “Despite absurd rumours that the attempted coup was a manufactured piece of theatre to disguise a naked power grab, we can now reveal that the entire treacherous conspiracy was masterminded by a white long haired Turkish Angora (or Ankara) cat, the same breed that also sat at Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s side in his mountain retreat as he plotted his ultimately failed attempt at world domination. His traitorous lapdog (sic) lackeys can expect to face the severest consequences of our judicial system.”
The fiendishly clever, although deceptively gentle looking mog, lives in exile in Pennsylvania USA from where he runs a network of schools and affiliated organisations across many countries. Now at an advanced age he spends large amounts of time supine but deep in thought on a shelf underneath a painting of goats, believed to be an ironic reference to his hated adversary, Turkey’s President and Supreme Ruler.
There are many reasons to suspect the long reach of his velvet claw in the planning of this latest outrage not least that the strategic thinking behind the putsch is more reminiscent of a domestic pet than experienced military commanders. In addition a statement read out on national television channel Türkiye Radyo Televisyon (TRT) included a demand that street animals, long a feature of Turkish city life, be given two meals a day and be registered to vote. It is believed that their vote could have been crucial in foiling any future referendum on changes to the constitution and the final embedding of a presidential system that is now predicted to follow the failure of the coup.
With the rounding up of soldiers and agents of The Mog who carried out his evil will, the attempted takeover appears to have come to nothing. Supporters of the President poured out on to the street in answer to his appeal via social media and in response to calls from the mosques which ran through the night; “We may still be a secular republic but it is the holy duty of all citizens to support the government” the Senior Imam said in a slightly confused statement.
As the President has also summoned all citizens to come out again on the streets tonight to show support for democracy the situation continues to unfold.
The future may not look bright and if it is orange it is the Guantanamo variety rather than the fizzy drink but hey, the sun is still shining here on the Mediterranean coast, the sea is still blue and I shall be on the streets tonight; although more in support of my right to enjoy a glass of rakı than for Turkish democracy which is looking like a horribly busted flush.